Why True Love is Never in a Hurry

A Love Story

I remember when I met my wife-to-be, Natalia. We met on a Thursday at a friend’s house and were invited to a young adult’s Christian weekend retreat. After that weekend, I knew she was the ONE—unlike Neo from The Matrix, although she is a massive fan of the movie and Keanu Reeves. But that’s beside the point. She was the ONE I would marry. How did I know? Because I realized I absolutely loved spending time with her. We talked for hours and hours, and if we didn’t need to sleep, I could have kept spending time with her.

The Essence of True Love: Time and Patience

Looking back on our years of dating and now on our twelve years of marriage, I’ve realized that true love is never in a hurry. You can’t be in a hurry while on a date with your wife. If you are, she will pick up on it, which will be a major turn-off.

In parenting literature, there’s a common expression that love is spelt T-I-M-E for children. I think this is true for everyone, not just children. Remember, “love is patient…” (I Corinthians 13:4). Comer (2019) also pointed out that “Hurry and love are oil and water: they simply do not mix” (p. 23). So, once again, love is inefficient. Full stop. You cannot force love to be time-efficient. You can be efficient with things, but not with people.

Love in Parenting: T-I-M-E is Key

The Minimalists (Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus) have an expression they say often, and it even became the title of one of their books, “Love People, Use Things.” This is a good reminder for me. I like to be efficient. I want to be early or at least on time for things. I don’t particularly appreciate it when people make me wait. I think of time as currency. We all only get 24 hours in a day. I try to use every one of them intentionally, especially in the season of life I’m in, working full-time as a Christian school principal with three kids. Time is precious. But I have also realized that MARGIN is precious but hard to come by.

The Importance of Margin in Life and Love

I read the book entitled Margin by Richard Swenson a few years ago and have returned to it often, especially in seasons where I feel the margin is eroding. Swenson (2019) warned, “We must have some room to breathe. We need freedom to think and permission to heal. Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity. No one has the time to listen, let alone love” (p. 27). Swenson also warned against our culture’s obsession with progress. He warned, “Progress’s biggest failure has been its inability to nurture and protect right relationships” (p. 30).

Cultural Obsession with Progress: A Warning

William Wilberforce (2002), who was highly instrumental in the abolition of the slave trade in the British empire, when discussing progress, said, “Above all, measure your progress by your experience of the love of God and its exercise before men” (p. 123). Progress is often synonymous with success, but how do we measure success? Whose measure have we adopted? I hope we all recognize that success cannot… well, at least should not be measured in dollar signs.

Redefining Success: Insights from John Maxwell

Recently, I heard my friend John Maxwell (yes, he’s my friend because in almost every speech he gives, he says, “My name is John, and I’m your friend”, especially before saying something challenging) speak at the Live 2 Lead event. I wasn’t there in person but watched the recording with my school staff and other leaders. It was some of the best professional development we have done as a staff, but that’s beside the point. John Maxwell shared his measure for success. He said he measures success when “The people who know you the best love and respect you the most.” Wow! Let that sink in for a moment… How often do I give my best face, kindest words, and most patient demeanour at school but then be the most impatient, tired, and snappy with my family at home? Since hearing John Maxwell’s definition of success, I’ve committed to pursuing that type of success. And to do that, I need margin. I must slow down, unhurry, be present, and prioritize time with people, especially my family.

Demonstrating Love Through Time

I’ll finish with another quote from Swenson (2019), “As we subjugate progress, we first make it subservient to our greater goals and needs, especially relationships. We once again practice economics ‘as if people mattered.’ We once again agree that things do not own us and are not even very important. We once again assert that jobs are only jobs, that cars are only organized piles of metal, that houses will one day fall down—but that people are important beyond description. We once again assert that love stands supreme above all other forces, even to the ends of the universe and beyond” (p. 29).

If love truly does stand supreme and relationships (especially with those closest to us) truly matter, how are we demonstrating it? Love is spelt T-I-M-E, especially unhurried time.

Call to Action

How do you prioritize time with your loved ones? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. If you found this post insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Let’s spread the message that love is patient, unhurried, and truly ineffable.

References:

John Mark Comer. (2019). The ruthless elimination of hurry: how to stay emotionally healthy and spiritually alive in the chaos of the modern world. Hodder & Stoughton.

Swenson, R. A. (2019). Margin: restoring emotional, physical, financial, and time reserves to overloaded lives. Navpress, [20]10. https://www.christianbook.com/restoring-emotional-physical-financial-reserves-overloaded/richard-swenson/9781576836828/pd/36820

Wilberforce, W. (2002). Practical view of the prevailing religious system of professed Christians, in the higher and middle classes in this country, contrasted with real Christianity. Elibron Classics.