The Messiness of Leadership
Potty training is complicated and messy; there’s no doubt about it. I recently hung out with a group of guys for a friend’s birthday party. The laughter was flowing, and the stories were growing… in hilarity and absurdity. Then, as full-grown, mature males, we somehow got onto the topic of… poop. I am convinced that little boys and grown men will always find poop stories funny—sorry, women. So, we all took turns telling ridiculous poop stories, most of them revolving around potty training our children and the epic blowouts and do-do disasters that inevitably ensue. As I told my story, I thought about how it relates to leadership. Leadership lessons can be learned even in messy situations. Let’s see if I can make the connection. But first, let me tell you my story.
The Potty Training Disaster
My wife and I were making good progress when my oldest son was learning to be potty trained (I won’t use his name to protect the innocent). He had a few successful days of no accidents. We were feeling pretty good about ourselves. Things were going as planned. Proud parenting. Praise the Lord. So, with our parental pride, we decided to go on a little adventure as a family. We went to a restaurant after church, enjoyed a nice meal, and then went to the park nearby for some playtime. We had our second son, who was just a baby, in his carrier. Our oldest was enjoying his playtime at the park. There was laughter, climbing monkey bars, sliding down slides, and progressively jumping off higher and higher sections of the playground. My son was in his element. Life was good. And then, the inevitable, “Dad, I need to go poop… bad!” Ok, game time. We’ve been training for this. I picked him up and turned to the nearest bathroom (I had scoped it out ahead of time, just in case), which happened to be at the Booster Juice restaurant.
The Smell!
We walked in casually and headed to the bathroom, but by this time, I noticed a smell… THE smell… the POOP SMELL. Oh no! When we locked the door to the bathroom, I set him down, pulled his pants back to investigate, and saw the disaster inside! Poop everywhere. No wipes, no change of clothes, and no mercy! I also didn’t have my phone, so I couldn’t call for backup. It was all up to me. I rolled up my sleeves (literally and figuratively) and got to work. I grabbed some paper towels and started the careful procedure of cleaning my son. After about fifteen minutes of meticulously cleaning every crevice, I did it. I won! He wasn’t wearing underwear or socks (they had to be thrown out), but he was clean; he had pants on, a shirt on, and a smile on his face. I smiled and waved as we left the bathroom and walked past the Booster Juice employees. They gave me a strange look, though… a look of confusion and concern… but I didn’t think much of it. Maybe they knew what happened. It didn’t matter. I had conquered the poop, and I was a proud parent. But I still smelled poop. I figured it was just the lingering smell in my nostrils, and it would go away when I got outside.
Lessons from the Mess
As I stepped outside, I saw my wife in the parked van with our second son in the back. I confidently walked toward the van, opened the sliding door and said in a calm voice, “Don’t worry, my love. He had an accident in his pants, but I took care of it. It wasn’t easy, but I cleaned him up very well. When he gets home, he will need some clean underwear and socks, but I guarantee he is clean.” She looked at me with a smile on her face… maybe a hint of pity, I couldn’t quite tell; she said, “I have no doubt that he is clean, but have you looked at yourself?” I slowly looked down, and to my horror, I realized the state that I was in. POOP EVERYWHERE! Poop on my arms, poop all over the front of my shirt, poop on my pants, even poop on my shoes. How did I miss it? I was so focused on cleaning up the poop of my son’s situation that I didn’t realize the poop I had acquired because of it. This experience taught me unexpected leadership lessons in messy situations.
Leadership Is Messy
As leaders, we often need to clean up messes. We need to deal with difficult situations and crucial conversations. People can be messy. Adults and kids can be messy. Leadership is messy. Many times, I have come home from work and realized that I still had emotional “poop” on me from the day. This emotional poop may show itself as frustration or impatience with my kids or wife. It may lead me to be emotionally detached. Watching epic fail videos on YouTube may lead me to want to mentally disconnect. We all have different things we run to when we’ve had a tough day, a poopy day. How can we clean off the emotional poop from the day so that we can give our best to our families and friends and also give our best the next day when we go to work? How can we have an emotional shower? Reflecting on these leadership lessons, messy situations indeed teach valuable skills.
Emotional Showers for Leaders: Practical Steps
1. The Car Cleanse
One thing that I have done for the past couple of years is what I call the “car cleanse.” When I arrive home and park in the driveway, I give myself a few minutes to pray and release the day to God. Sometimes, I will even say “release” a few times with my eyes closed. At the end of the day, I picture myself releasing everything that happened to God, entrusting it all to Him. Reflecting on the day, I express gratitude for the good times, the challenges, the victories, the setbacks, and the lessons they brought. With a heart full of thanks, I picture myself stepping inside and offering my best self to my wife and kids. Sometimes this is not easy. Sometimes the poop is layered thick (sorry for the gross visual).
2. The Power of Sabbath
Another practice for emotionally healthy leadership is the Sabbath. This is a big topic with many layers… but not poop layers. Sorry, I need to get away from the poop metaphor. In the next few blog posts, I will do my best to unpack this ancient discipline that has been practiced for thousands of years and discuss its powerful implications for modern life. As a family, we have been practicing Sabbath for many years. I will share my experience and the catalyst for adopting the Sabbath. I will also share our journey, how it’s changed in different seasons, and what I have been learning lately.
Lead with Grace
Leadership is messy, but with the right tools, you can clean up and keep going. What’s your “emotional shower”? What practices help you leave behind the emotional weight of the day and step into your best self? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s navigate this messy yet rewarding journey of leadership together, drawing from our leadership lessons in messy situations.
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